I find emotions hard to deal with. And therefore the experience of emotions can impact negatively on recovery. The past few months have been particularly tough in terms of life throwing up emotions : I've suffered a bereavement; the birth of a family baby has forced me to confront my own childlessness and its inextricability from my ED.
In fact, the main emotion that I find myself experiencing is sadness.
But I can recognise happiness too: when I held that baby, even in my sadness, I enjoyed being close to her tiny life and seeing her calm down when I sang to her.
And one of the worst feelings is the flatness. Flatness from low mood. Flatness from the medications.
Maybe even the difficulty of intense emotions is preferable to not being able to experience any emotion at all.
2 comments:
I hope you give yourself praise for being so beautifully honest. I connect to those feelings when holding babies- that conflict between the heartbreak and the immensely beautiful joy of that little life. *hugs* xxx
I often find myself wondering whether it's better to suffer the highs and lows of emotion or to have neither.
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