Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Top Ten Reasons to Fight For Recovery

Hungry for Change May blog challenge: day 2.

It's actually really hard to come up with reasons for recovery. I think that this is because it feels impossible to separate out anorexia from my identity, because it's been part of me since I was a little girl. So when I hear the word 'recovery', my mind tends to shout at me 'but then you might stop being you!'

Yet I know that life can be better, that I don't want always to feel this sad and that I want my future to include "normal" things like children, a family, fulfilling work, and that anorexia, as safe and insulating as it may feel, prevents those things from happening. So I'm going to find some reasons ...

1. My dogs: they can't come into hospital with me and can't understand separation; it's better for them if I never have to be hospitalised again.
2. My family: only if my mind isn't obsessed with food, weight and shape can I fully be a member of my family and part of everything.
3. The future: the idea of a future without change is a desolate one; for a future that I can want to be alive for, I have to opt for recovery.

There are more. But this is a hard list to write and without resorting to trite truisms or clich├ęs, this is all I can include for now.

1 comment:

Tracey said...

honey this was lovely in its honesty and the willingness you have to try and to challenge that idea that who you are is joined with ed. It isnt angel. And I know when you have a long standing ed thats hard to connect to. But who you are - its your talents, strength, weakness, the things that make you laugh, make you cry, the things that bring joy to your heart, your unique loveliness that brings joy to others hearts. That is who you are. Anorexia is an umberella term for the driving force that causes you to engage in behaviours that are harmful toyou. You can live with anorexia. Anorexia cannot live without you. Keep working on that list angel. Theres no time limit -
maybe it can be an ongoing project for you xxx