This weekend, my aunt brought over some photos that my great aunt (who recently died) had taken. My mum joked that she'd like to have this picture enlarged because it shows me voluntarily reaching for a sausage roll!
Even though we both giggled about that, I think the photo does represent something about recovery. Having been restrictive in my eating since the age of 10, it's hard for me to remember a time when I freely chose food based on what I wanted at that moment. This photo, taken on my 5th birthday in my Mr Men themed party with a hedgehog chocolate button cake, is proof that I had an identity that was not contingent on restriction. I can see me (as in me the person, the self) in that picture, so I can believe that, once, being me was not all about denying myself food. And the flip side of that is the possibility that I can be me in the future without anorexia forcing me to deny myself the pleasure of the different textures and tastes of various foods.
2 comments:
i really love this post! at the first treatment center i went to they had us carry around (or hang up somewhere you would see it very often throughout the day) a picture of us before our ed's began. A picture of us as a sweet, innocent, child and we were supposed to use it to think of that girl often and that she could heal from the pain and the ed. Or whenever we were tempted to do an ed behavior we were supposed to look at the picture and remind us that that little girl (us) deserve better. When i looked at my picture, my heart ached for that little girl but i also felt like i wanted to allow her to heal from everything that happened to her.
I feel like I am rambling and none of this is making sense... but i hope it did. i am tired and in a rush to write this, but i wanted you to know that that girl in that picture deserves freedom from the ed and a chance to heal and find peace and happiness in the future too : )
This is a lovely post and picture x
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